Trophy Wives Season 5, 2013-2014

Vivian, Carol, Chief, Ardella and Cheryle


Welcome To Season Number Five!

Trophy Wives, I welcome you 

To season number five!

Fortunate for all of us, 

We've made it back alive.

Some of us had bumpy roads 

To navigate this summer,

My husbands' neck was out of whack, 

And that was quite a bummer.

I'm ready to invigorate; 

To kick some Trophy asses,

And get you on the golfing range

And into golfing classes.

There's time to get your game on;

The courses need some rest.

Look forward reuniting

And golfing with the best!

Summer Highlights

Trophy Wives give weddings:

And bike Peru's vast spaces;

Raft the 'rado river;

And diss their exes faces.

Miss their grand babes birth day

With cell phones on the fritz.

Golf at pricey Pebble Beach,

And raise their saggy tits.

All of this is summer fun

Befitting of our life.

Imagine what this world would be

Without a Trophy Wife!

Vivian, Laurie, Joanne, Val, Chief, Sandy, Carol, Polly and Ardella

Drizzle Day

Trophy Wives I cannot count;

My numbers head ain't great.

Before we even started

We were ten instead of eight!

The group that played before us

Were slow as they could be;

And then we had to deal with

The lady at the tee!

The clouds began to drizzle

And grass began to grow;

Which helplessly changed all our putts

From fast to really slow!

The rough was really roughing up

Our shoulders and our knees;

While JoJo suffered sniffles

Brought on by allergies!

But when the round was over

The sky was pinkish-blue;

We captured this amazing shot

Of everyone but Sue!

Joanne and Polly

Trophy Wives are Stylized

Trophy Wives are stylized;

Their wardrobes color coded.

Closets categorically

Are often overloaded!

From summers' slinky sundress,

To winters' furry coat,

A Trophy wife makes sure she hits

Fashions' highest note!

On golfing day she picks a hat

To cover most her hair.

But Valorie consistently 

Looks suave and debonaire!

Polly Jo are stylish

In red and black and white.

While Chief and Val prove Trophys'

 Look great at any height!

Val and Chief

Trophy's just in hats!

Trophy Wives like jingle bells,

And abs that come in packs.

But think of how impressed they'd be

To see our Trophy racks!

The hats are quite adorable.

We all know how to pose.

What difference would it be to us

With or without clothes!

So next year I propose a shot

Of Trophy's just in hats.

Let Gatsby step aside for us

In white tails, tux and spats.

Shocking as this thought may be,

The spirit lies within.

I bet as you are reading this

You're wearing quite a grin


capital T

Trophy Twenty Thirteen Turns

To Trophy Twenty fourteen,

Twenty four Trophy hours from now.

To Truly Twist my Trophy mind

That's Twisted all The Trophy Time

i'm Typing up some Trophy lines

That do not have a Trophy rhyme.

The only Trophy Trick To This

is Trying To include a Twist,

That Teases all your Trophy minds

in Thinking That i'm clever.

To Think That i would capitalize

and Trick your Trophy brains

is Truthful To a Tee.

The Trophy wife To guess This mess

must first respond To me, Tracey!

Valerie and Ardella

Diamond Envy

Trophy wives are priceless

And priceless has no rhyme.

But like a precious diamond,

They sparkle all the time.

Speaking of their sparkle,

Ardella comes to mind.

The rock that Mitch just gave her,

Is quite the sparkling kind.

Trophy wives aren't jealous.

Oh No! Not much they say.

We all ran home to tell our men

Our band cracked that same day!

Now El Paseo Jewelers,

Is out there saving lives,

Of men who wish to spoil

Their sparkling Trophy wives!

Ardella

Match Play

Trophy wives tried 'Match Play'

And Haley kicked some ass.

Plumed her way through 18 holes,

Mastering the grass.

Sandy's round was sandy.

She hits the ball a ton.

Flirting close to danger zones,

But finished number one!

Chief was pretty chatty.

She thinks she knows it all.

"Concede the putt you little bitch;"

"Pick up your effin ball!"

Carol, on the other hand,

Is poised, polite, and brief.

The next time that we play 'Match Play'

She's voting off the Chief!

Chief, Joanne, Carol

Matchy Matchy-Play

Trophy Wives are planners,

Organized, unique.

Matching shorts and Gucci belts

Is not so Trophy sheik.

Ideally when we come to play

We ought to look like Jo.

With just a splash of orange,

She looks great from head-to-toe.

Synchronizing outfits

Is just not savior-flair. 

Next time, Mrs. Nobis,

Text me what you'll wear!

And when we go out shopping,

Or-ange-ing what to buy.

Let's pick out golfing outfits,

Unique to you and I!

Silver! Shmilver!

Trophy wives give great advice.

Though eloquent, is not so nice.

Superior in every way.

So confident in what they say.

Like, "You should play from the red tees!"

Your shots require remedies.

You drove the ball right in the trap.

Silver! Shmilver! You play like crap!

And we don't wish to follow you.

Nor the men in front of you!

For we are Trophy's! Hear us roar!

Remove your ass out the front door!

And take your clubs, your attitudes.

Take your egos! Take your dudes!

Go find some other place to play.

Not Mission Hills on Trophy day!

Carol and Vivian

A Suitcase Full of Sin!

Trophy wives love garlic fries;

Beer & wine & whisky.

Stories of Las Vegas acts,

Sexy, fun and frisky!

Garter belt; black fishnets;

Stilettos and a hat.

Imagine what your man would do

If you were wearing that!

So bye bye Brady-Bundchen.

You're too hot NOT to win.

I'm headed to Nevada

With a suitcase full of sin!

Jim and The Chief


Vegas Keeps Its Secrets

Trophy wives are curious;

They pointedly inquire,

About the Chief's liaisons, 

And how they did transpire.

Garter belts; stilettos;

Fishnets and a thong.

Regardless what your wearing,

They don't stay on for long!

'Zumanity' will tantalize

Your inner trophy sinner,

After savoring the flavor

Of an Emeril Orleans dinner!

Las Vegas keeps its secrets.

The Chief will keep hers too.

My sage advice, dear Trophy Wife

Is play some "Peek a Boo!"

Ardella and Laurie

Massaging Butt and Back

Trophy Wives have hectic lives,

With tournaments galore.

Challenging our privileged selves,

Unlike times before.

We leisurely slipped thru our round,

Enjoying chit and chat.

Golfing on a sun drenched day,

And that was really THAT!

Now when we head out to play,

We have no room for slack.

Instead we need a grinding fist,

Massaging butt and back!

It's time to let the pressure go,

To heal our bod and brain.

Letting go of all the junk

That makes us feel insane!

We're not in the Olympics.

We're not on any tour.

Let's reconnect to days gone by,

And play our Golf Du Jour!

Taking Home the Gold

Trophy Wives love targets,

But not the retail chain.

When Polly 'locked on' to a house

She hit it again

And again!

Then Val stood up to anchor

Her ball atop a tee,

And smacked it into Polly's,

That split into a 'V'

The two of them are talents.

Visions to behold.

If this were the Olympics,

They both would take home GOLD!

Poker Play Day

Trophy Wives played poker chips;

The good one's and the bad.

Sand & Water, 8's & Trees,

Made Trophy's very sad.

Good one's canceled bad one's.

Bad one's weren't so good.

If you could pass a bad one,

You definitely should!

We held them in our pockets,

Keenly kept aware.

The clanking we were hearing,

We wished were not in there.

We coveted the One Putt,

The Birdies and the Pars,

Held on tight with all our might, 

Grateful they were ours!

Handing over good one's, 

Did not happen fast.

The one to win the money,
Held the good one's last!

Val, Cheryle, Laurie, Sandy & Ardella

Sixty?

Trophy Wives turn sixty;

Are fabulously funny;

Live the most fantastic lives;

Play golf, drink booze, spend money!

Who would want to change a thing?

Our life is such a gift.

Perhaps in ten we'll feel inclined

To give our face a lift!

For now we'll just luxuriate

On sun-drenched desert days.

Raise our glass to friendship,

Embrace our Trophy ways.

We'll share our tales of travel.

Have months and months of fun.

Then reunite next season,

And toast to sixty-one!

Polly, Sandy, Susan
Vivian, Ardella, Laurie, Val, Tracey, Joanne

Polly and Susan

The Pose

Trophy Wives do dinners.

Have lots of things to say.

Health & beauty, travel, golf,

Are on our minds all day.

When posing for a picture,

Our boobs and arms collide.

It takes us several minutes,

Before we can decide

On who is in the front row?

Who is close behind?

The need to look our very best,

Is always on our mind.

Our kids have taught us one thing.

A bent arm makes you thinner.

Now hold that pose 'cause here it goes...

Say Cheese! We've got a WINNER!

Chief, Susan, Cheryle, Laurie, Carol, Gioconda, Polly, Vivian

Misunderstood

Trophy Wives put emphasis

On vowels in certain words.

Pronunciation experts? 

Vocabulary nerds?

Either way, we find ourselves discussing 

garburators;

Capillaries; pillories, Word impersonators?

Canadians have accents, 

Americans just don't.

It's good we understand ourselves,

'Cause most outsiders won't!

Gioconda, Carol, Vivian

Chief, Cheryle, Laurie, Susan, Polly